This was supposed to be a positive post. I had lots of good news to give. I had my final radiotherapy session last Thursday. The sun has been constantly shining (a rarity in Melbourne). I have hair - and I am absolutely loving this short pixie do that I would never have had the guts to try out otherwise. I am putting on much-needed weight. I am down to a low dose of steroids (10mg a day) and haven’t crashed yet. I feel strong, I have energy, and I am very rarely at a loss of something to do. In recent weeks, all I have been focusing on is how good I have been feeling, and stopping my mind from drifting too far ahead (PET scan on March 14, gulp).
But I write this entry with a heavy heart. Last week a friend of mine was killed in an accident. We went to the same high school (we were in the same class from year 7-9), went to the same university and was someone I respected greatly and would always make time for. Absolute top guy, who has left a massive gaping hole in so many lives. It saddens me that I will never see him again, hear him tell his hilarious stories, reminisce about school days and just have a chat and a laugh. What makes it even more tragic is that another one of my classmates, who was from the same friendship group, passed away suddenly only weeks before. Both these people have left behind partners, parents, siblings, close friends and colleagues, and I can’t even begin to fathom the shock and sadness they must be experiencing. In the last five years, my year level, Class of 1999, has said goodbye to four classmates. I’ve only just hit 30, and I really don’t want to attend any more funerals. It just isn’t right.
There is really no way to make sense of it, I’m not even going to try. All I can take away from this is the fact that life is fragile, and you really can’t waste a single moment. I tend to talk a lot about doing things, but laziness or whatever else will make me put it off or fail to get around with it. I’ve decided that has to change. I hope most people I know live long and happy lives, but you just don’t know what is around the corner. Make sure you are living the life you want to live now. Not tomorrow.
Another thing I have learned is that my year level is full of inspiring and wonderful people. The classmates we have lost were wonderful, dynamic people who lived full lives and brought a lot of joy to a lot of people. But also, to see the way my fellow school friends rally around each other at grief-stricken times like this, is truly moving. I know from my own experience that my classmates are thinking of me and wishing me the best on my own journey, and I have reconnected with a lot of awesome people. It doesn’t matter how many years have passed or how often you have seen that person in recent years, these people still manage to reach out and put a smile on your face. I don’t think I ever stopped to think about that before. I feel really proud to be have graduated with Catholic Regional College, Traralgon's Class of 1999. A top bunch!
Despite these recent tragedies, I am making sure I remain as positive as I can about my own situation. If anything, it has given me more resolve to beat this thing - I don’t want to put my year level through any more heartbreak.
Sad, but pressing on. Next post will be more positive, I promise. Live for today, plan for tomorrow, love to the fullest.